Disappointed, independent but with emotional needs; a case of young ladies today

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The recent Luo Men versus Luo Women bashing on social media got me thinking about a lot of things. One of them is what most young ladies have gone through and what they continue to go through emotionally. Feeling cheated, abandoned and dejected, they are left battling two ideas; to be “miss independent” or to yield in to be loved again. Yes. I said to be loved because a woman is meant to be loved. That is what I believe as a man, and the Holy Bible is my supporting document. But that is a story for another day. Let’s get back to our young lady.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you our lady. Her name is Jane (not her real name). She is 26 years old, though I must admit she looks older. May be 28 years.
Jane’s love story is not different from that of many ladies. In fact, the usual story (mark you, I said usual and not normal). Had a boyfriend in campus who got her pregnant and refused to accept responsibility. She had to take up all the responsibility herself, carried the baby and continued with college to completion.

Jane is now a nutritionist with a county government (not real job). Its been 3 years now and she swore never to fall for the whims of men again. She became a sworn feminist and spent most of her time reading Caroline Mutoko and Ciru Muriuki.

But Jane met a man three months ago. He was just a random guy, so she told herself. Just that this random guy filled all her random thoughts. Okay, he had known him for a while. Like, he had seen him around. But they never met ‘officially’ till last week. An encounter that she couldn’t get out of her mind.

His masculine body haunted her, the image of it replaying in her mind over and over again. The scent of his lotion, or was it a perfume, camped in her nostrils. How evocative could a smell be? It stirred old memories of her being in love. The warm hug had depolarized the receptors on her skin more than she ever expected. A shiver ran over her. Her knees had gone weak and her brain almost shut. It was like a hemorrhagic shock. No, sudden cardiac arrest. No. Okay. Whatever. All she knew is that it was intense.

She thought of him over several days. She longed to meet him again. She had heard that he was single. Available.

‘Stop thinking about him. Don’t fall for the whims of men again. How stupid can you be?” She reprimanded herself. This was not the time to get involved with a man again. She had been smart. She had learnt her lesson. Yes his eyes…

Life hadn’t been easy for her. She had to balance between her patents back at home, the two siblings in high school and her child. All depended on her. She had little time to think about herself. Yet still there were bills to be paid. Bills that weighed down on her and left her in debts sometimes. But she had managed to come this far. There is no way she is giving up. She is determined to go it all by herself. No man. Just her. She is miss independent, so her bio on WhatsApp and Twitter read.

A fortnight later, she met him again. Let’s call him Ben. They had bumped into each other at the hospital canteen. She went there a few times coz she often carried packed lunch. They had a little chit chat over lunch. She had mentioned plans to watch rugby at the Impala grounds over the weekend. And he had said he planned to be there too. What a coincidence! Or may be it wasn’t. Maybe her brain had checkmated her. She knew he loved rugby from the hospital gossip. Damn it! Why did she say that. Now he had insisted on picking her and the baby to go to match. She regretted saying that. She slapped herself once back in the office. She had made a fool of herself. But, meanwhile, her heart leaped with joy. She felt a tangle of contradictions. On the one hand, she had swore to make it on her own. On the other hand part of her seemed to want to melt into this stranger’s arms and take a breather from the hassles that life had put her through. A sick father with hefty medical bills, a child she had to bring up alone and bills. Bills to pay that left her impoverished. She needed someone to encourage her. She needed someone to egg her on. Her friend Caro had been doing that. But she needed someone…

They had met and attended the rugby match. They actually did more. They drove around, visited some malls for the young girl to have fun and even did some bit of shopping. At the end she was exhausted. But most importantly happy. She hadn’t been this happy in a long time. He dropped them off at their apartment at about 8pm and the young girl was deep asleep. She laid the baby on bed and came back to see him off. He gave her a hug. A warm hug. And then kissed her.

For a moment she looked like she had been struck by lightning. She came back to life after a few seconds.

“What the hell do you think you are doing? You think I’m some cheap girl you can just take advantage of? You think coz you have a car so any lady would just fall for you?” She yelled.

“Am sorry. I never..”
“Get the hell out of my house. And never dare cross my path coz I swear you won’t like it,” she interrupted him.
“Sorry I…”
“Just get out before I start shouting. Go. You womanizer,” she yelled at him and pushed him out of the door.

She turned to the window to peep from her one bedroom house on the 4th floor. As he walked towards the car, a part of her felt like throwing a a stone at him. Or even a broom to sweep away the demons that hat come to tempt her. But another part of her wanted to run down the stays and throw herself at him.

As time passed by, she regretted how she had reacted. Probably he didn’t mean for it to happen. May be he isn’t like other guyz. Which guyz? He isnt like Kevin who broke her hurt caused her so much pain. She had swore to give him a wide berth at work.
The more she tried to erase him off his mind, the more she vividly perceived him. He was good looking, actually handsome. His confidence and demeanor turned her on. His killer smile would make the hearts of 4 counties of girls her age to flutter. He liked how he dressed. Always smart and official. And his choice of clothing on the weekends made her want to see her every weekend.

As fate would have it, they had bumped into each other in the corridors of the hospital. He was shocked. But he looked rather calm. He quickly apologized. He regretted what happened and promised it would never happen again. She felt embarrassed and asked him to stop apologizing. She admitted to having overreacted.

“Does this mean our paths can now cross without me having to fear for my life?” He asked.
“Yes,” she replied, unable to hide the giggle.
“You know I have to ask and be sure coz this hospital is a small place and I love my life. Am sure the med sup would not sanction my transfer with this acute shortage of staff”.
And then he smiled. Mistake. A big mistake. Her sleep tonight had just been threatened. And probably for the next few days. She smiled back.

Whoa! She came to her sense. What was she doing. She had promised to keep off. She didn’t know from what but she had to steer off from whatever it was. She said bye in a hurry and paced away. As she opened the door to the store where she was headed, she looked back. Their eyes met. Another mistake. She quickly closed the door behind her.

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